Day 1 Impressions
29 May 2011 23:53![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twilight_boyI ramble!
As of his first day in Aather, Roxas is... okay, actually. He's kind of jangly from an oversaturation of new people and information, and will probably curl up and pass out as soon as he gets the chance, but he's processing it all through a sheer force of will. Better to know stuff than to be a blank. Being a blank bothers him; not remembering how to do things bothers him. He doesn't see a point in being emo about it, but it sets him on edge from the get-go.
On being a replacement:
Roxas doesn't really know what happens to former teammates. Thank you, Mytho, and your vagueness. :) He's not overheard enough to know anything about what 'Ginger' was like, but he's vaguely curious/worried about what might have happened to her. Knows it's probably nothing he did, but it's still worth checking. He'll also feel a little bad, if/when he learns that he inadvertently picked a nickname that used to belong to someone who just left. Which segues into...
On names:
To Roxas, names are necessary. Without one, you're not anything. Barely a placeholder, and even a name that's a placeholder itself is better than nothing. It bugged him every time he had to call Ven "that new guy from Peridot."
It's not that he doesn't get Viridian's perspective of names being important and carefully-chosen, or that he didn't realize how important it was that Ven asked him to name him, but it's not how he, personally, rolls. There seems to be a major 'something is better than nothing' theme here.
Of course, as mentioned in my app, Twilight Town does have major symbolic meaning for him. That was inadvertent, but fortuitous. Ultimately, he'll go by Roxas, once he remembers his name, but he'll respond just fine, if someone calls him Twilight.
On word knowledge:
At one point in a thread, I made a decision that Roxas knew what trolling was, even though it's not a hugely common word. The limitations of what's 'common' under amnesia circumstances are kind of fascinating to play with, when it comes to language. Ultimately, I ran with it a) because it's funny, and b) to affirm that 'common' or 'normal' for Roxas is Twilight Town. He probably heard Pence use the word, or something. I figure DiZ would pay close attention to things like that, when programming the simulation.
So when Roxas learns that Twilight Town stuff isn't real, it'll be major and pervasive. Things about him down to his word choices aren't real. That should seriously shake him. So my main motivation was evil.
Alas, as a sidebar to the evil, I taught Alice was trolling was. Guys, I am so sorry.
On self-sacrifice:
Cause it's a thing that Emeralds do.
That conversation with Hisoka could have gone two different ways. On one hand, Roxas has a mother of a self-preservation streak. No one gets to fuck with him with impunity. On the other hand, one of the first ways Hisoka framed it is 'no one gets to force us to do what we despise doing.' And that? Struck a chord. Here we have another major theme: it's one thing to take on bad things happening to you, of your own choice. It's quite another for someone else to volunteer you for it, or to assume you would. See also the conversation with Ven, about being brought here.
As things fell out, Roxas is pretty much in accord with Emerald's kill-game policy. It makes sense to him - other teams don't have any more choice than they do. If, on the other hand, another team/individual goes out of their way to mess with him or his, does so in a personal way, or does so when there is a choice: all bets are off. ...This would be much more threatening if he had his Keyblade, but ya know.
On Emerald in general:
Roxas likes his team. He's getting a very strong impression that team is team, and that matters. He won't, like, write sappy poems about them, but he's got their backs. It just became an assumed part of his disposition. One of the things that made a big contribution to this was the way the others told him things, openly and honestly, especially Hisoka.
On other people:
He hasn't spoken to many non-Emerald people closely, but generally got on with those he has. Rabbit, especially, came across as warm, and he appreciates her observing his body language enough not to get touchy with him.
And then, there's Ven. Once it was established that he and Ven looked identical, Roxas went for Okham's Razor, assuming they're probably twins. Shame Okham's Razor is wrong. Either way, Ven's registered with him, as someone at least potentially important. He'll look out for him, kind of like he'll look out for his teammates. Hopefully, Emerald and Peridot won't get into a snit anytime soon. It's worth mentioning that he doesn't feel the connection between them the way Ven does. He's nowhere near in-tune enough with his emotions for that. It's there but not in any way he can really interpret it and call it that.
On emotions:
So, I've mentioned in my Stats that Roxas's emotions are pretty muted. What exactly does that mean? How I'm interpreting it is that he feels things, but he doesn't feel them. He'll have a reaction that stems from emotions, but won't always notice it or draw a connection to its source. Like, in 358/2, he mentions a choking sensation, when he thinks Axel's died at Castle Oblivion, but he can't name it, and he's not exactly falling apart in grief. There are people like that in therapists' offices all over, but Roxas has the excuse of being a sort-of-Nobody. Cause he's speshul like that.
Specific emotions go something like this:
He's got extremely good access to annoyance or frustration, but even a genuinely angry reaction will come off as one of those. Think about when he attacks DiZ's hologram in the mansion basement. He's pummeling air with a struggle bat, but he's not shouting.
He's generally pretty darn wary, but has very-poor-to-none access to fear. It's one of the reasons he didn't flinch at the idea of dying in a game to save others - so long as it was his choice.
He has his likes and dislikes and will appear content if he is, but pure joy is hard to come by.
Love or even affection... are more of a negative space thing. He doesn't mind you=he likes you. Twilight Town's actually given him the chance to get attached to people in normal friendships, rather than intensely bordering-on-love, the way he was with Axel and Xion, but both are perceived in almost the same way. The difference is there, but really, really hard to quantify.
He feels sadness pretty normally, but suppresses it and doesn't really know what to do with it. You won't get to see him cry unless, like, someone dies - and I mean permanently, as opposed to in a game - or something equally bad happens. Memories probably count. People he cares about tend to die a lot.
Roxas's motherfucking brain.
Gah. I think I've rambled about everything. Done now.
As of his first day in Aather, Roxas is... okay, actually. He's kind of jangly from an oversaturation of new people and information, and will probably curl up and pass out as soon as he gets the chance, but he's processing it all through a sheer force of will. Better to know stuff than to be a blank. Being a blank bothers him; not remembering how to do things bothers him. He doesn't see a point in being emo about it, but it sets him on edge from the get-go.
On being a replacement:
Roxas doesn't really know what happens to former teammates. Thank you, Mytho, and your vagueness. :) He's not overheard enough to know anything about what 'Ginger' was like, but he's vaguely curious/worried about what might have happened to her. Knows it's probably nothing he did, but it's still worth checking. He'll also feel a little bad, if/when he learns that he inadvertently picked a nickname that used to belong to someone who just left. Which segues into...
On names:
To Roxas, names are necessary. Without one, you're not anything. Barely a placeholder, and even a name that's a placeholder itself is better than nothing. It bugged him every time he had to call Ven "that new guy from Peridot."
It's not that he doesn't get Viridian's perspective of names being important and carefully-chosen, or that he didn't realize how important it was that Ven asked him to name him, but it's not how he, personally, rolls. There seems to be a major 'something is better than nothing' theme here.
Of course, as mentioned in my app, Twilight Town does have major symbolic meaning for him. That was inadvertent, but fortuitous. Ultimately, he'll go by Roxas, once he remembers his name, but he'll respond just fine, if someone calls him Twilight.
On word knowledge:
At one point in a thread, I made a decision that Roxas knew what trolling was, even though it's not a hugely common word. The limitations of what's 'common' under amnesia circumstances are kind of fascinating to play with, when it comes to language. Ultimately, I ran with it a) because it's funny, and b) to affirm that 'common' or 'normal' for Roxas is Twilight Town. He probably heard Pence use the word, or something. I figure DiZ would pay close attention to things like that, when programming the simulation.
So when Roxas learns that Twilight Town stuff isn't real, it'll be major and pervasive. Things about him down to his word choices aren't real. That should seriously shake him. So my main motivation was evil.
Alas, as a sidebar to the evil, I taught Alice was trolling was. Guys, I am so sorry.
On self-sacrifice:
Cause it's a thing that Emeralds do.
That conversation with Hisoka could have gone two different ways. On one hand, Roxas has a mother of a self-preservation streak. No one gets to fuck with him with impunity. On the other hand, one of the first ways Hisoka framed it is 'no one gets to force us to do what we despise doing.' And that? Struck a chord. Here we have another major theme: it's one thing to take on bad things happening to you, of your own choice. It's quite another for someone else to volunteer you for it, or to assume you would. See also the conversation with Ven, about being brought here.
As things fell out, Roxas is pretty much in accord with Emerald's kill-game policy. It makes sense to him - other teams don't have any more choice than they do. If, on the other hand, another team/individual goes out of their way to mess with him or his, does so in a personal way, or does so when there is a choice: all bets are off. ...This would be much more threatening if he had his Keyblade, but ya know.
On Emerald in general:
Roxas likes his team. He's getting a very strong impression that team is team, and that matters. He won't, like, write sappy poems about them, but he's got their backs. It just became an assumed part of his disposition. One of the things that made a big contribution to this was the way the others told him things, openly and honestly, especially Hisoka.
On other people:
He hasn't spoken to many non-Emerald people closely, but generally got on with those he has. Rabbit, especially, came across as warm, and he appreciates her observing his body language enough not to get touchy with him.
And then, there's Ven. Once it was established that he and Ven looked identical, Roxas went for Okham's Razor, assuming they're probably twins. Shame Okham's Razor is wrong. Either way, Ven's registered with him, as someone at least potentially important. He'll look out for him, kind of like he'll look out for his teammates. Hopefully, Emerald and Peridot won't get into a snit anytime soon. It's worth mentioning that he doesn't feel the connection between them the way Ven does. He's nowhere near in-tune enough with his emotions for that. It's there but not in any way he can really interpret it and call it that.
On emotions:
So, I've mentioned in my Stats that Roxas's emotions are pretty muted. What exactly does that mean? How I'm interpreting it is that he feels things, but he doesn't feel them. He'll have a reaction that stems from emotions, but won't always notice it or draw a connection to its source. Like, in 358/2, he mentions a choking sensation, when he thinks Axel's died at Castle Oblivion, but he can't name it, and he's not exactly falling apart in grief. There are people like that in therapists' offices all over, but Roxas has the excuse of being a sort-of-Nobody. Cause he's speshul like that.
Specific emotions go something like this:
He's got extremely good access to annoyance or frustration, but even a genuinely angry reaction will come off as one of those. Think about when he attacks DiZ's hologram in the mansion basement. He's pummeling air with a struggle bat, but he's not shouting.
He's generally pretty darn wary, but has very-poor-to-none access to fear. It's one of the reasons he didn't flinch at the idea of dying in a game to save others - so long as it was his choice.
He has his likes and dislikes and will appear content if he is, but pure joy is hard to come by.
Love or even affection... are more of a negative space thing. He doesn't mind you=he likes you. Twilight Town's actually given him the chance to get attached to people in normal friendships, rather than intensely bordering-on-love, the way he was with Axel and Xion, but both are perceived in almost the same way. The difference is there, but really, really hard to quantify.
He feels sadness pretty normally, but suppresses it and doesn't really know what to do with it. You won't get to see him cry unless, like, someone dies - and I mean permanently, as opposed to in a game - or something equally bad happens. Memories probably count. People he cares about tend to die a lot.
Roxas's motherfucking brain.
Gah. I think I've rambled about everything. Done now.