![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twilight_boyLess of a formal writeup, more of a bulletpoint bonanza, written before I forget something.
Jabberquest
- Roxas mostly stayed quiet in that. IC, this was because he promised Lightning he wouldn't throw his life away needlessly, and not making suggestions meant not getting injured/killed. And he felt like almighty shite about watching others hurt and killed in front of him. So common sense was used, but it was not a good feeling.
- He learned that Jabberwock was Mary, but was still conflicted on the matter. He was one of the people who confronted Jabber in the endgame, but he was... not so much neutral on the matter, but so conflicted it boiled down to neutral. Cause a large part of him wanted to kill and otherwise lash out. He doesn't really have a mindset where he can just forgive those who hurt him and those he cares about. But hurting a small kid who may have been metaphysically forced into the villain role also didn't sit right with him. See also shadow empathy pings, which I will talk about more later.
Cargomaster Battle
- Roxas was the first (or one of the first) to notice that the cyclops and minotaur were not fighting for the Cargomaster on their own free will. He didn't quite have the speech skills/confidence to tell the others they should have empathy for them, but he did say they might fight on the heroes' side if freed. And he turned out to be right! This did a lot for his confidence in his more heroic/jesusy side, which is a part of himself he wants to develop but doesn't think he's that strong in. He felt super extra bad about the cyclops getting blinded, and tried to help him as best he could, but well, Roxas is not a healer.
Train Heist Battle
- He had fun in that, even if using Darkness Corridor for the third time that day under powercap kinda made him queasy. He used that skill more during that one day than he had in all his time in Aather, since without the coat, the Darkness would start to dissolve his body.
- Rescuing Personae crystalized that yeah, he's attached to some of them. This isn't really new to him, but it's a good reinforcement. Also, he had an extra burst of empathy/protectiveness for Echidna, since seeing her bound with barbed wire like that reminded him of Knife in a similar position in her heart game's endgame.
Darkness Battle
- He fought some Darkness monsters. It was v. v. satisfying. Alice was a bamf! And then...
- Ven's shadow showed up. Which is where I start talking about Roxas's shadow empathy. He tends to empathy overload really easily, when it comes to shadows and monsters. Especially ones who are used as others' tools and may be doing bad things due to coercion or ignorance or metaphysics. He can see their side way to easily. Sometimes to his detriment, like the time he had empathy for Asuka's Angel, in her heartgame. It just seemed like a Nobody who wanted to survive and didn't really understand the impact of its harm to Asuka. But more relevantly, this is a theme that kept showing up throughout this event. First Mary!wock. Then the enslaved monsters. And then, Ven's shadow.
- The side of Ven's shadow he interacted with was by far the most sympathetic one. He was scared, but he wasn't going to push away someone who appeared nonmalevolent. The shadow spoke pretty frankly about Ven's feelings for him, and then kissed him. Roxas still heard the shadow express Ven's more ruthless aspects, but honestly? He has a ruthless side too, and Ven's got a way better grip on his than Roxas does.
And Roxas had this moment of 'oh, crap, I don't hate this shadow, I empathize with this shadow, this is clearly not what I'm supposed to be doing, but I can't turn that off and feel something else, oh crap.' He just. Nothing he saw or heard made him think the shadow was a bad person, and his accepting the shadow helped Ven do likewise.
- Seeing the shadow also made him realize he's been a royal shit to Ven, with his "I don't know how I feel about you." Some part of him knows you can't just figure this out by ignoring the situation, which he's been doing, a bit. Cause frankly, the subject of love is one that scares him. Between his feelings for Axel and Xion, which can't really be resolved without them there, worry that he gets everyone he loves killed (he's suspecting *something* bad happened to Xion, though he doesn't know what yet) worry about fucking up Ven and Josh's relationship, general flailing over 'what is love what is attraction what is my life?!' He's been kicked into actually facing/dealing with this already. Start by talking to Ven and Josh, when he's not unconscious.
The Trial
- Mostly the same feelings as in game. He ultimately took the 'save the Jabberwock' side, because even if he's angry at someone, the concept of killing in cold blood doesn't sit well. And then Jabber was a tiny and Roxas was relieved he'd taken that side.
- Also, he's so kyaa kyaa for Alice.
Journey and Camelot
- Currently, he's too mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted to process anything. He'll probably curl up on furs and sleep like the dead till he doesn't feel dead anymore.
- First impressions: Personae seem nice. It's fucking cold. I go nighty-night now.
Jabberquest
- Roxas mostly stayed quiet in that. IC, this was because he promised Lightning he wouldn't throw his life away needlessly, and not making suggestions meant not getting injured/killed. And he felt like almighty shite about watching others hurt and killed in front of him. So common sense was used, but it was not a good feeling.
- He learned that Jabberwock was Mary, but was still conflicted on the matter. He was one of the people who confronted Jabber in the endgame, but he was... not so much neutral on the matter, but so conflicted it boiled down to neutral. Cause a large part of him wanted to kill and otherwise lash out. He doesn't really have a mindset where he can just forgive those who hurt him and those he cares about. But hurting a small kid who may have been metaphysically forced into the villain role also didn't sit right with him. See also shadow empathy pings, which I will talk about more later.
Cargomaster Battle
- Roxas was the first (or one of the first) to notice that the cyclops and minotaur were not fighting for the Cargomaster on their own free will. He didn't quite have the speech skills/confidence to tell the others they should have empathy for them, but he did say they might fight on the heroes' side if freed. And he turned out to be right! This did a lot for his confidence in his more heroic/jesusy side, which is a part of himself he wants to develop but doesn't think he's that strong in. He felt super extra bad about the cyclops getting blinded, and tried to help him as best he could, but well, Roxas is not a healer.
Train Heist Battle
- He had fun in that, even if using Darkness Corridor for the third time that day under powercap kinda made him queasy. He used that skill more during that one day than he had in all his time in Aather, since without the coat, the Darkness would start to dissolve his body.
- Rescuing Personae crystalized that yeah, he's attached to some of them. This isn't really new to him, but it's a good reinforcement. Also, he had an extra burst of empathy/protectiveness for Echidna, since seeing her bound with barbed wire like that reminded him of Knife in a similar position in her heart game's endgame.
Darkness Battle
- He fought some Darkness monsters. It was v. v. satisfying. Alice was a bamf! And then...
- Ven's shadow showed up. Which is where I start talking about Roxas's shadow empathy. He tends to empathy overload really easily, when it comes to shadows and monsters. Especially ones who are used as others' tools and may be doing bad things due to coercion or ignorance or metaphysics. He can see their side way to easily. Sometimes to his detriment, like the time he had empathy for Asuka's Angel, in her heartgame. It just seemed like a Nobody who wanted to survive and didn't really understand the impact of its harm to Asuka. But more relevantly, this is a theme that kept showing up throughout this event. First Mary!wock. Then the enslaved monsters. And then, Ven's shadow.
- The side of Ven's shadow he interacted with was by far the most sympathetic one. He was scared, but he wasn't going to push away someone who appeared nonmalevolent. The shadow spoke pretty frankly about Ven's feelings for him, and then kissed him. Roxas still heard the shadow express Ven's more ruthless aspects, but honestly? He has a ruthless side too, and Ven's got a way better grip on his than Roxas does.
And Roxas had this moment of 'oh, crap, I don't hate this shadow, I empathize with this shadow, this is clearly not what I'm supposed to be doing, but I can't turn that off and feel something else, oh crap.' He just. Nothing he saw or heard made him think the shadow was a bad person, and his accepting the shadow helped Ven do likewise.
- Seeing the shadow also made him realize he's been a royal shit to Ven, with his "I don't know how I feel about you." Some part of him knows you can't just figure this out by ignoring the situation, which he's been doing, a bit. Cause frankly, the subject of love is one that scares him. Between his feelings for Axel and Xion, which can't really be resolved without them there, worry that he gets everyone he loves killed (he's suspecting *something* bad happened to Xion, though he doesn't know what yet) worry about fucking up Ven and Josh's relationship, general flailing over 'what is love what is attraction what is my life?!' He's been kicked into actually facing/dealing with this already. Start by talking to Ven and Josh, when he's not unconscious.
The Trial
- Mostly the same feelings as in game. He ultimately took the 'save the Jabberwock' side, because even if he's angry at someone, the concept of killing in cold blood doesn't sit well. And then Jabber was a tiny and Roxas was relieved he'd taken that side.
- Also, he's so kyaa kyaa for Alice.
Journey and Camelot
- Currently, he's too mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted to process anything. He'll probably curl up on furs and sleep like the dead till he doesn't feel dead anymore.
- First impressions: Personae seem nice. It's fucking cold. I go nighty-night now.