twilight_boy: (Default)
[personal profile] twilight_boy
I should be doing my heart writeup. Instead, I do this. This is basically where Roxas stands regarding various of his canonmates, with the information he has right now, and with his emotional state as it is post heart game.

In canon, Roxas's take on Sora is generally positive and protective. The one exception to that is when Sora, um, gets Roxas's best friend killed. Was it really Sora's fault? No. But Roxas isn't a saint, and because it wasn't really Sora's fault, and because Axel delays moving on/whatever ghost Nobodies do to have one last talk with him, Roxas ultimately ends in a place of zen regarding Sora. Is he happy to be stuck with no body or life of his own? Notsomuch. But there's worse people to be stuck with, if you have to be.

In Aather, for the longest time, Roxas had no actual memories of Sora. Just a lot of people telling him how special Sora is and how his own life was screwed because Sora needed him. Well, fuck that shit! With no reason to like this Sora, and every indication that as far as everybody he talked to was concerned sacrificing him to protect Sora was a-okay, Roxas grew to seriously resent the guy. Meeting Riku and having Riku reiterate all those things was the last straw. He did remember not hating Sora at the end of Twilight Town, but that memory came right on the heels of said Riku meeting and didn't make a conscious impact.

Note now I said 'conscious.' There's a reason Sora represented forgiveness in Roxas's heart. With forgiveness woken up, Roxas consciously remembers not to blame people who never did anything to him. And Sora hadn't. Sora was a nice guy bad things happened to as well, who had no say in anything that happened to Roxas. Didn't even know anything had happened. Now, Roxas has regained a lot of the old instinctive affection. He wants to meet this Sora - the real Sora, not whatever shallow idea of him Riku has. He'd probably do a great deal to protect a Sora he knows, though he'd also do everything in his power not to destroy himself in the process.

Who managed to become the only person in Aather Roxas came to personally and viscerally dislike. If he'd met Riku as an amnesiac, there's a chance a new dynamic might have developed between them, but instead, Riku was in Aather long before him, got Booked, and returned some time after Roxas had been in Aather for a while. So his interaction with Riku picks up entirely from canon, and gets no clean slates. There was a small chance they might have wound up valued rivals, but Riku proved himself too much of an asshole for that. So that's off the table. By the time Roxas's heart game rolled around, all that kept him from killing Riku on sight were these factors: a) Knife asked him not to, at least until he had all the information on what had happened; b) Riku's powers are currently nowhere near where it would be a fair fight, and Roxas isn't a bully; c) No one in Aather dies permanently, so all it would do is waste Citrine's marbles and/or annoy Personae. He'd also probably feel lousy, if he actually managed to kill the guy, since Roxas can be an angry dude, but he's not a killer by nature - but we're not even getting that far. If Riku attacked him, yeah, he'd respond. But he wouldn't start the fight, only finish it.

This isn't the worst kind of hate Roxas can feel for someone. We'll get to that in a second. Riku did slide further down on the hate slope when he managed to make Ven of all people give up on him. Roxas values Ven's opinion, especially when it comes to things like forgiveness and giving people extra chances. If Ven says 'fuck it,' there's really no point in pursuing the matter, from Roxas's perspective.

And then, heart game happened. Riku did some things right. This moved Roxas's estimation of him up a little. And then, Riku, being stupid, picked a fight with Roxas's true heart. (On the OOC perspective, that was actually pretty cool. I don't think that's ever happened before, in any heart game!) This was stupid for two reasons: Firstly, an underpowered Riku would stand no chance against Roxas in day-to-day Aather life, and he threw himself against Roxas's *most powerful* heart figment, who, being king of his domain, did not have to deal with a powercap. Needless to say, Riku got creamed. He wasn't in any danger of dying - True Heart does not kill, as a hard rule - but he sure wasn't going to be shown any mercy beyond that. Secondly, this act managed to catapult him straight to the ultimate circle of hate: "I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire." As true heart said, Riku was, at that point, worthless to him. If things had remained on that level and Roxas came across Riku being mauled by a Hydra, he'd turn and walk the other way. To put that in perspective, I'm pretty sure Roxas would at least seriously consider helping like the Lion if that was the Persona he'd come across while he was being attacked by shadows. If it got him mauled, he wouldn't do it again, and this may change after the Lion's upcoming game, but that's the baseline. Going beyond it is truly impressive, in a sick sort of way.

More stupidity from Riku, as he tried to bargain and merge with Vanitas. At least he made Vanitas's day hilarious. This didn't actually impact Roxas, since it was in Ven's part of the heart, but I'm sure Josh will tell him about it eventually, affirming Roxas's belief that Riku is too stupid to live.

Thankfully, things got ameliorated by Riku running into "Sora," who as we know is the forgiveness figment, after Hisoka and Mage had woken him up. Sora jesused the hell out of him, which both got through to Riku, and, on Roxas's end, lowered the hate quotient back to "you're reprehensible and untrustworthy, but if you act like a human being, I'll give you a second chance. For the record, this put him on par with Acedia, and yes, it was a major step up. This option won't last forever, but Roxas did wake up willing to somewhat listen to Riku.

And than Riku apologized. Which counts as acting like a human being. He conveniently forgot to mention attacking Roxas's *true heart*, but small steps for big idiots. At this point, Roxas is/was willing to work with him to keep Sora safe. In canon, there was no way to do that without screwing Roxas, once Xion was in the picture but there's too many outside factors in Aather for that to be the case. For one thing, Roxas is here now, and I'm assuming the mods aren't mean enough to say this means Sora's asleep back home. Either it means this is an extra copy of Roxas's body and consciousness, with the original still in Sora (there's precedent for this, with the way Aather made two copies of Ven's heart so that he and Roxas could co-exist), or that Beauty or Mally has already safely separated the two when she brought Roxas here. Or, you know, whatever other nifty thing the mods decide on.

If Riku had been/becomes willing to do this, this would also be Riku's chance to actually undo the damage he's done, which is pretty much the only path which might lead to true forgiveness on Roxas's part. Being sorry isn't enough. Being willing to try and fix his mistakes would be.

Riku seemed unsure, and the fact that he didn't remember enough to know if things were possible to fix is fair enough, but he also seemed hesitant/unwilling to consider Aather works differently from the canon KH world. At this point, Roxas gave him an ultimatum: option 1: working together to save Sora using Aather options, with Roxas going back to being a part of Sora decidedly not on the table. Option 2: If that fails or Riku refuses, Roxas maaaay opt to save Sora, cause saying 'nope, I don't care if you die as long as I can live' to Sora isn't Roxas's style. However, this would mean Riku would never see Sora again, under compulsion, magical or otherwise. Because if Riku would take everything he had from him, you better believe Roxas would take everything he had from Riku. Either both get good endings, or neither does. The third choice was basically a return to status quo: If Riku refuses either of the other two choices, Roxas would beat him into next Wednesday and send him home to deal with whether or not Sora was okay.

Was it nice? Nope. But Roxas also doesn't owe Riku diddly. On the OOC level, I know things are likely to work out on the option one level, whether or not Riku cooperates. Like I said, Roxas does exist in Aather, autonomously.

As things stand now, Riku basically went 'conversation over.' If this is it, Riku goes back to being irrelevant to Roxas, which is only a fraction of a step up from true heart fight status. Roxas would proooobably rescue his stupid ass if he saw him about to die, but that's all.

Roxas would still do everything in his power to make sure Sora's okay - that's got nothing to do with Riku. If they're cooperating, Riku would know when they succeed, natch. It would also mean they can reconcile slightly in general. Roxas is never going to forgive him, but he can grow to understand him and move past.

Without cooperation, it depends on Roxas's mood that day, whether he ever lets Riku know the Sora thing's been dealt with or lets him twist.

That was an essay in and of itself.

Because he lost his memories of her at the end of 358/2 and I'm a mean player who didn't just revert them because he's in Aather, keeping them under lock instead, Roxas has yet to remember anything about Xion. One of the heart game goals was to see if the PCs could unlock those memories. That... didn't happen, but they jostled things enough Roxas should now be aware that something's missing. He'll harass Knife about that, or maybe one of the Personae.

He did get to meet Gale, when she briefly returned from being Booked. And he pretty much liked her on sight. Canonically, Xion is one of his favorite people in the world. If he had more chances to interact with her, she'd probably become someone he loved. He was pretty sad when she got Booked again.

Of course, then he'd probably have found out that she helped Riku. He'd give her a chance to explain, since he'd want to forgive her, but if the explanation was anything other than "I was tricked/coerced," their closeness would be gone. That kind of betrayal damages things. He would ultimately forgive her, but close friendship, let alone love, would not be something they'd ever get back.

See, the first memory of Axel that Roxas got back was pure, undiluted Sig-Pos dere. This was the essence of everything that made their friendship spark against all odds. Roxas fully believes that Axel is one of the most important people in his life, and unless for some reason things go horribly between them in Aather, that's not going to change. Hell, maybe not even then.

Roxas's subsequent memories of Axel complicated things a biiiiiiit. On one hand, Axel was being kind of an ass in the Twilight Town memory. On the other hand, Roxas knew, that he should have remembered Axel but didn't. He's mostly pieced together why, too. Anyone would be an ass, if their best friend didn't remember them, Roxas included. The 'leaving the Org' memory nearly went in a similar way, but I'm running with Roxas having heard that "I would [miss you.]" And that made a difference - and nearly broke his heart. He knows Axel was mad at him, but isn't sure it wasn't partly his fault. In fact, he's assuming it was.

He's also got a memory back of Axel's 'death.' The Castle Oblivion fakeout, not the real version yet, thankfully. But he hasn't taken that yet. I kind of want him to take that with Axel present, now that he's here.

So yeah, and then Axel just drops into Aather, casual as you please. And Roxas is like, "oh no, more feelings. I hate feelings." Cause Axel never not causes feelings. With his stupid face.

(Like Allen Walker's player towards Allen Walker, I'm ridiculously tsundere for Axel. Just fyi.)

Roxas likes this version of Axel, whom he'd already seen in Ven's memory. A lot. He's also a little sad and jealous that both Axel and Saix remember Ven, but not him. He's squelching the jealousy part with a vengeance, since Three's Heart taught him that Jealousy Is Creepy (tm.) He wants them both to remember more about each other, and he wants to regrow their friendship in Aather as well.

And yeah, I ship that. Kind of a lot. I don't mention that much, as such, since Axel's a PC and I don't want to feel like I'm pressuring Zazzle with my shipping, and this is not an essay on Lily's quirks and insecurities. But do I ship it? Awyeah!



So, hilariously enough, Roxas's impression of Saix is entirely positive right now. That makes me crack up. His one memory comes from a journal entry, where we learn that Saix was the one who gave amnesiac Roxas his journal and told him no one would ever read it but Roxas himself. Did he ever break that promise? We don't know yet. He's also seen Saix - or more accurately Isa - in Ven's memory of meeting him and Lea. And Isa's awesome in that.

Just as Isa is awesome in Aather. Snarky and a little standoffish, but all that means is that he'd make a fine Emerald. Roxas likes him. I don't know how things will go from here. It depends on whether Saix reverts to canon jackassitude or takes a different path. Roxas's own memories of Saix being an asshole will hurt things, but because this Saix is an amnesiac, he'll get the benefit of the doubt. Basically, remembering that he'd hurt Xion will do the most damage to Roxas's not disliking Saix. I think Roxas would be willing to patch things with him, if Saix meets him halfway, but we'll see how it goes.



So, a funny thing happened on the way to the forum. The first memory Roxas got, while he was still kind of a blank slate, was that of Namine. Who seemed very sweet, but who also told him he should never have existed. So not exactly a positive memory, though he could tell a part of him wanted it to be one, if that makes any sense. She made an impression, at any rate.

Around the same time, he encountered Beatrice. Who was also a blonde, short, morally ambiguous (far more so!) witch, and who made one hell of an impression on him. See the straitjacket and goat incident. And somewhere along the line, Roxas's impression of Namine and his impression of Beatrice kind of. Got mixed up. It's why you meet Namitrice in Roxas's heart.

orz

As a result, he still has massive dere for Namine and wants to protect her, but he also is wary of her and doesn't really trust her (which is not, to be fair, unreasonable.) And, conversely, why he likes Beatrice waaay more than he should. Association with Namine makes him subconsciously see Beato as a more vulnerable person than the front she puts on, and makes him protective. He also has massive respect for her intelligence and wisdom. He kind of feels like she gets him.

But this is not an essay on Beato.

Obviously he knows they're not the same person, or even similar, but the association exists and isn't going away. This is the kind of thing crossover games can do. orz, I say.

Obviously, there's no canon impressions - they've never met. But MAN are they important to each other now. And it's not just the bond/metaphysical shit/my bff KH. Mostly, if it's metaphysical in origin, Roxas will willfully disregard it as fake feelings foisted upon him without his consent. But he's spent time with Ven, and loves him fully and unconditionally.

I can't *even* say what kind of love it is. Roxas knows he and Ven are not related. He kind of feels like they're still family in the chosen way Roxas and Emerald are family, but that's complicated too. It's not overtly romantic, but it's not not romantic - though it's less so inclined after something Ferris did in heart game. Past a certain point, I'm not even second-guessing it that much. They love each other. Period. It'll go where it goes.

Being this close to Ven also makes him have automatic dere for Terra and Aqua. The're Ven's friends, so they're Roxas's friends. Especially, in a way, Terra, who would probably remind him of Josh. As for other canonmates of Ven's: he'd be hard-pressed not to kill Xehanort on sight, unless Ven was like, no he's amnesiac and we need his information. Xehy would only continue to live on Ven's sufferance. Josh might also get there before Roxas does. ;; Vanitas - not even that ambiguous. Shanky time, barring really unforeseen circumstances. Eraqus would, on the other hand, in fact get a second chance. Especially once Roxas learns that one of Eraqus's reasons for wanting to kill Ven was to protect Ven from being stuffed into an inanimate object, losing his life and agency (might there be some parallels there?) I can see him actually getting to grudgingly like the guy. Cause Eraqus is likable.

So, here's the thing: Roxas cares deeply for Hayner, Pence and Olette. He'd gotten a similar Sig-Pos to the one he'd gotten on Axel that was all the warmth and dere of those friendships. And now, he knows he never spent more than a few days with them. He's trying to shunt the feelings of being friends with them aside, because it wasn't real. (Though it was real enough that the real trio feel like there's something missing in their lives without Roxas around and miss him, even though they'd never met.) And then, Natsume managed to jesus the part of his heart which represented loneliness and alienation, and in the process made Roxas more willing to accept that the friendship was fake but the feelings involved were real. He'll now view those three as something precious he'd lost. Not something to dwell on, but something to occasionally feel a pang for.

Who else is left? DiZ? That's not really complicated. I hate you, shank on sight. And if he ever realizes that DiZ, albeit inadvertently, altered the lives and feelings of the Twilight Town kids, who were total innocent bystanders, he'd hate him even more.

No memories yet of other Org members. He'll have remembered Xigbar once he takes his next memory. We'll see about it then.

Date: 13 Nov 2011 23:13 (UTC)
unionoftheheart: (derpface)
From: [personal profile] unionoftheheart
[MOOFS ALL OVER TWIN]

I mean. Hi. :D Just saying that I re-read all of this and it is fascinating, yesssss.

It's worth saying that Ven hasn't entirely given up on Riku, in the sense that to him, Riku is also ""you're reprehensible and untrustworthy, but if you act like a human being, I'll give you a second chance." Then again, this is Ven, and it's pretty much impossible to move lower than that category unless you're Vanitas or Xehanort. And Riku will probably win back some points in Ven's book if Roxas tells him about that apology. (Riku put up a very good front of being completely unapologetic and un-guilty for what he did to Roxas, in their latest horrible thread, which...well, if you look at it from Ven's point of view of "you arranged for my beloved twin to be brainwashed and subjected to a fate worse than death for dubious reasons and don't give a shit about it," YEAH THAT'S PRETTY REPREHENSIBLE.) Anyway.

Mostly what Ven is running on right now is, okay, he's Valiant's friend. And Valiant isn't stupid. Miiight be oblivious because Riku tells him nothing, but as per some of their threads, he has respect for Valiant's integrity and ability to go 'y'know that person is an active threat.' ALSO as per Josh's report on heartgame combined with Riku's memory share, he now knows that Sora is, in fact, an awesome guy. So again, there's a vague hope that Riku isn't a total sociopath and might be capable of meaningful friendships. (Or he might just be selfishly viewing Valiant and Sora as symbols of "my ability to protect people no matter what" and not actually give a fuck about them personally. He can't tell.)

Which if Ven had that psych language, yeah, he'd peg Riku as quite possibly a sociopath, from their interactions. Especially with his tendency to brutally devalue other people's existence and will. (Like trying to dictate who Ven can share memories with, or denying his choice to die rather than be keybladed--that really raised Ven's hackles, because how the fucking hell does he have any right to say that.) Instead, he has the language for "you've fallen to the Darkness." Well, and also "you're a mind-numbingly stupid asshole," but that's less technical. :P

SUDDENLY I A RIKU ESSAY. It's contagious.

Date: 13 Nov 2011 23:37 (UTC)
unionoftheheart: (conversational)
From: [personal profile] unionoftheheart
Ven already heard about that, and is just like........................jesus fucking christ HOW DUMB IS HE, DID HE EVEN LISTEN TO MY EXPLANATION or did he just ignore everything I said, right, of course he did.

orz

It might be somewhat overriding the "you're a flaming douchebag" with "wow no you're just so stupid that you almost fall into the you're mentally ill it's not your fault category." Which is...less antagonistic, at least? And could easily be overridden by him coming to...any better understanding of Riku beyond the front he's projected in their interactions. (It's not even that Riku's that good an actor, he's just...very good at being a stubborn douche even when he's having guilt inside, and the stubborn douchiness is very distracting and also makes him look jaw-droppingly stupid in some circumstances.)

Again in the general stuff about Ven's interactions with Riku category, Riku also gave the impression that he wasn't even interested in looking for alternatives and went straight for "oh, Sora's got a problem, let me go destroy this guy's life, that'll fix it." Which again, coming off as way more evil than he is.

Blather blather Riku blather.

Date: 13 Nov 2011 23:50 (UTC)
unionoftheheart: (swan)
From: [personal profile] unionoftheheart
I will quote myself as Namitrice to say that Riku thinks in straight lines a lot. That's not helping him right now. :)

Date: 13 Nov 2011 23:56 (UTC)
unionoftheheart: (derpface)
From: [personal profile] unionoftheheart
Because the Endless Witch of Memories knows all and sees all?

Date: 14 Nov 2011 00:10 (UTC)
unionoftheheart: (derpface)
From: [personal profile] unionoftheheart
Oho, her domain has been expanded. That was very nice of them.

Date: 14 Nov 2011 00:14 (UTC)
unionoftheheart: (grateful)
From: [personal profile] unionoftheheart
A little variety to relieve the boredom, how nice. :)

Date: 14 Nov 2011 00:26 (UTC)
unionoftheheart: (hello)
From: [personal profile] unionoftheheart
Prrt. :)

...playing Namitrice with my icon set quickly gets ridiculous. :P

Date: 14 Nov 2011 00:34 (UTC)
unionoftheheart: (buh)
From: [personal profile] unionoftheheart
Noooo I do not want the possession plot!

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